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Angel Around My Neck
Cross By My Eye
A Letter to My Lover 
12th-Aug-2012 11:57 pm
I'm always horrible at starting letters, I never know how to properly address it. You are not my Dear, or my Darling, or my Love. I refuse to use your word of 'buddy' really who says that?
My Sometimes Lover,

It'll have to do. This is not one of those 'it's not you it's me' things. Because it is you and me. In the beginning I was willing and ready to dive in heart open head in the clouds and ready to follow anywhere you would lead. Not so much anymore. I thought I knew you, I realize I was mistaken. You are not who I thought I knew, maybe I never really knew who you were I just thought I did. I try to think back on it and it's shocking to me how much I can't really recall you. Perhaps you've always been like this and I was living under the guise of wishful thinking.
You wonder why you can't keep friends or lovers, trust me, it's you. They are not as you so colorfully put it 'blood sucking cunts from hell'. It's you. You complain constantly about things you could change, yet you don't even attempt to change them. You laze around all day, you sleep for twenty hours a day and wonder why you can't get a job. You bitch about not having any money, yet somehow you manage to buy frivolous things for your hobby. Yes it is a hobby, not a career. You spend little time and effort on it and bitch at the things you don't have and can't do because you don't have. If you really wanted it you would go and get it. You sleep and watch tv and look for girls to date online. You have problems and issues that need professional attention. I am not a professional and after three months of hearing it I don't want to hear anymore.
Your work ethic is laughable, and then you have the nerve to complain about others. You fuss at people who help you, that was the line. I realize that now. I realized that then but thought I could move past. I can't, I will always go back to that. You upset me, I don't like that. To look at you and hear your voice is a source of irritation to me. I went out of the way for you, put my reputation on the line for you and this is how you repay me? By being a slack-ass? It's disgusting to me. I'm fortunate that those in charge do not blame me for you. They understand I thought you were something else and you have proven over and over to them how much we are different. That you will never put in the effort or drive that a good employee has, which is also why you will never succeed into turning your hobby into a career, you have no drive and will not put in the effort. It stops being about the money and starts being about you at step one. There are limits on us all in everything, but if we truly desire we will overcome and succeed.
Will I continue to go to bed with you, yes. I would not deny myself the pleasure.
I will humor your moods less and less. I will seldom agree you, our beliefs and opinions are so dissimilar it's hard to believe you haven't noticed yet. Very little you say or do makes me laugh. Is that not a sad thing that one who is suppose to be your friend makes you laugh far less than coworkers? I have few moments anymore that I want to share with you. I would rather be by myself. I know for you that is a painful thing, alone. I myself am comfortable with it and often embrace and welcome it. I was ready to Love you, to be with you. You drove me away, you have proven you are not the man for me. I will still care for you, I may even mourn this loss a little, not much though, you're too much of an ass for me to care that I won't have you.
Please also understand, I am not the exception, I am the rule. There are very few self respecting women who will have you as is. You must either change or be very very lucky to get one who will stick around and tolerate you for an extended period of time. For my sake I hope she comes along and soon so I can pass you off and get some peace.
Your sometimes lover.
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